2009

it's almost time to say goodbye to 2009! since i promised myself i will spend most of tomorrow cleaning up (my room, car, laptop files, etc.) to semi-superstitiously make sure my 2010 will not be "messy", i'm gonna post my last blog entry for this year.

2009 was mostly my "just do it" year. i told myself that when it comes to things i want to try/do, if it's worth it, i should rein in my over-analyzing tendencies and just go ahead and pursue it. it has worked out for me quite well, so hopefully, i will be able to keep this up even when 2009 has come and gone. i sort of have a resolution for 2010, but i'll keep that to myself for now, since i haven't finalized it yet, hehehe!

so, to pick up where i left off (which was september), i flew to the east coast during the labor day weekend to see a couple of college friends. new york was my first stop, boston was next.

new york was AWESOME! i would love to go back there and see more places that i wasn't able to see due to the time constraints. it was great seeing the landmarks, watching a broadway musical and witnessing the US Open (too bad i missed federer and nadal, hehehe)!!! i hope i get to visit again next year =)



i was looking forward to seeing boston too, so i can catch up with my thesis partner and check out the top-notch universities it is known for. i really liked the architecture of the city buildings and the slower pace was a welcome change (especially after NY, where the itinerary was very hectic). big thanks to DD for showing me around and patiently taking lots of pictures with me =)



two months later, i went to chicago over the thanksgiving weekend to see some college friends again. i was surprised how clean the downtown area was, especially for an urban city! the deep-dish pizza (among others) was YUMMY. the people were nice (and very well-dressed). our "host family" was very warm and welcoming. it's definitely a city worth checking out! =)



this month, i opted to stay in the bay area during the christmas holidays, mainly to save more vacation days next year and some moolah, of course. it feels so nice to look back on this year and realize that i've explored new places and seen familiar faces along the way. i hope there will be more of that next year as well. a few unpleasant things also happened, but i learned from those experiences, so i hope i will be better equipped for similar situations in the future too.

so... here's to what will hopefully be a pleasantly memorable 2010! i hope there will be more to learn, more to be thankful for and more to be happy about. cheers! =)

"enlightenment"

it just hit me tonight that 2009 will probably go down as one of those years that i've kind of grown up. i won't go into too much detail, but this has been the year where my outlook has evolved in a lot of things.

i've become less "bitter" and more accepting about (and not merely resigned to) some things that i could not change.

i've learned to distinguish when to keep working on something ["it's worth it"] and when to let it take its course and not force the issue ["it's not worth it"] (less eager to please! less "drama"!).

i've learned to recognize slight changes in my mood and attribute that change to the right trigger/catalyst.

i've gotten less defensive on sensitive subjects [mostly because i have identified what my sensitive subjects are], which helped in handling touchy situations more effectively.

i've learned to embrace change more gracefully, rather than resist it, delay it or be in denial about it.

even my BS radar has improved by leaps and bounds, just because i don't let myself get in the way of how i perceive things around me anymore, or at least not as much as i used to.

in general, i feel like i'm more "at peace" and that i have acquired a little more of that "happy balance" that i aim/wish for.

i still over-analyze and over-think petty (and not-so-petty) stuff and there are still some things that are lacking in so many ways, but it's nice to know that i learned a thing or two over the past few years.

let's see na lang how it goes after i have a few more years in me =)

september

it was a pretty weird month.

i was anxious most of the time and it took its toll on my sleeping, eating and working habits. i just felt "off" the whole time, but i did my best to keep things on an even keel thinking that things will eventually go back to normal if i acted that way.

it's september now and in a way, i'm glad another month is here. i hope this will be a good month... and the months after that, of course.

looking forward to my East Coast trip! i think this trip will give me that much-needed break. i'm looking forward to see some friends too. hopefully, i will feel renewed and get my mojo back after this trip =)

[happy birthday to my ate and good luck to HIM in the US Open!]

take 2!

meet my new friend. it looks a little different, but it's still blue. yes, i have a thing for pretty blue things =)

somehow i feel like the blue shade of the previous one had more personality and had a more carefree vibe, but i guess it's just apt that the shade of the new one, although just as pretty, is not as "happy".

the steering and handling of the first one was more responsive, whereas this one is smoother... the interior of this car is nicer too. although, shempre, safety is now higher on my list.

ayan, new car, i'm a little more jaded, but i'll take good care of you. i hope you take good care of me too... i hope this will last me a little longer than the other one... *crosses fingers*

my first car

i remember being so happy the day it was officially mine. i thought we would still have each other for a few more years, but i guess it was not meant to be.

we were together almost every day and i remember looking forward to seeing it after a long day at work. i also remember perking up whenever i spot it for the first time after going on a vacation for a few days or weeks.

marami rin kaming pinagdaanan, and for those two and a half years, my car was worth every penny. i know that i owe it a lot on that fateful day, so i will always be grateful for that.

i saw it for the last time earlier today. i wanted to take a picture, but i didn't want to remember it that way. i came to get the last of my belongings and looked back for the very last time before silently saying goodbye.

it's time to move on because things aren't the same anymore since that day. hopefully, the next one will make me as happy and will mean just as much as my first.
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i didn't know i could get so attached to an inanimate object. thanks for the memories... you are sorely missed and will always be remembered.

yay!!!

i went skydiving yesterday! (well, actually it was the other day since it's past 1AM already...)

SO MUCH FUN! i wanna do it again! not anytime soon, but maybe someday...

one thing crossed off my bucket list! hayyy, ang saya =)

emote!

i think i'm a relatively happy person in general, pero when i feel melancholic or reflective, i have this bout of restlessness...

all in all, i think i'm nice enough, friendly enough, smart enough, cute enough (i sure am not tall enough!), sweet enough, sassy enough, polite enough and level-headed enough...

i think i'm happy enough, good-natured enough, professional enough, practical enough, understanding enough, informed enough, adventurous enough, thoughtful enough, maybe i'm not rich enough but it's okay since i'm young enough...

i think i'm wacky enough, but also serious enough... i think i'm cool enough, but also dorky enough...

but sometimes, i don't think it's good enough..... is this normal?

july post

i guess it's time for another round of random thoughts in my own little place in cyberspace. here we go!

i just got back from new orleans! i had a mini-reunion with my relatives on my mom's side and had a lot of fun! it's been 13 years since i saw most of them so it was great catching up =)

it was also an experience taking in the night scene with the bar-hopping and walking down bourbon street, since i was still 11 when I last went there. it makes me wonder if i should check out mardi gras one of these days... all in all, good place, good company, and good food! (it just reminded me how i should really learn how to cook if i want live up to my full foodie potential, tsk tsk tsk...)
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i was "blog-surfing" earlier and read some interesting posts, they know who they are since i left pretty lengthy comments in their blog, hehehe... one mentioned that he likes being in airplanes a lot because it makes him think of things... since i'm still experiencing a "vacation hangover", i thought i'd touch on this.

i like riding on airplanes too, mainly because it means i'm going on a vacation or i'm going to see family, friends and/or relatives. some people get antsy and anxious and can't wait to get to their destination, but i'm pretty patient when it comes to flying. it's probably because i got the hang of it from flying back and forth back in college that i'm generally well prepared (i usually bring my laptop, my trusty DSlite, some leftover sudoku sheets of paper, and maybe a book if it's a long flight to keep the boredom at bay).

i usually get thoughtful when i ride on planes, i end up thinking about life in general, how my family is doing and also the friends that i just said goodbye to or the friends I'm about to see. i usually start out wishing i worked for a travel or lifestyle channel so that i can explore more often... then i think about my other dream jobs, which leads me to think about my actual job and how i've been doing and so on.

i look out the window (i like the window seat) and think about other things in my life... maybe it's because you see the wide expanse of land or sea beneath you and it seems like for a few hours time stops (contradictory ba?), since you're kind of in a limbo, suspended up in the sky... you get the chance to entertain some thoughts pushed to the back of your mind due to the hustle and bustle of daily life.

right before take-off or through turbulent conditions, i wonder if i will be at peace if the plane ride goes wrong... then I think that maybe you know you've led a good life if you still feel peaceful by then...of course i always wish for a safe flight, so i get another chance to muse on a plane, hehehe...

i also like being in airports. i like seeing the variety of people who are about to fly for different reasons. you see a family struggling to contain their kids' unending energy and enthusiasm; you see a couple eagerly awaiting a romantic getaway; you see people in suits striding purposefully while talking or texting on their smartphones, and a group of friends about to go on their vacation. it's fascinating to see the contrasts between these people (and of course you fantasize about bumping into or sitting beside a cute stranger, HEHEHE)

anyway, wala lang, i wish i get to travel more, hehehe...
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in other news, my #1 celebrity crush finally got Grand Slam #15! shempre, I'm very happy for him... i hope the birth of his first child will go well (and i hope he wins a few more slams, hehehe).

i've been neglecting the DVDs i borrowed lately due to the Roland Garros-Wimbledon double whammy, which was followed by the travel arrangements for the New Orleans trip... i hope i get to watch them and some summer movies as well...

i finally got to try Pilates too... i liked it a lot... it's very low-impact, but very effective, since i didn't expect to see faint definition in my core in just a few weeks... i'm definitely going to borrow some of the moves one of these days when i feel motivated to exercise again.

i haven't seen some people here in the Bay Area for a while, i hope i get to catch up with them before the summer is over... you know who you are! =)

i'm also hoping i can finally see the East Coast this summer... i'm crossing my fingers that it will happen.

oh yah, i turned 25 almost a month ago... time flies fast! i feel like i'm so isip-bata (childish) in so many ways that i can't believe i'm in my mid-20s already! hopefully, it will be another good year... =)

anyway, that's all i can think of at the moment, i will just post some pictures to end this post.

[ my mom is pretty noh? she's 61 and still looks good! i hope i inherited her good genes and age just as gracefully =) ]

confessions of a FedKAD

Congratulations to Roger Federer for winning his 14th Grand Slam and a career Slam at that!

It was rough being a FedKAD this year, especially during hard court season when people were saying his best days are behind him (with him losing to the rest of the "Big 4", a baby on the way, younger players breaking through, inconsistency in his strokes, etc.)...

Even I felt that his dominant days were probably over due to stiffer competition, but I think that he still had what it takes to win a few more Grand Slams. I was prepared to be patient and I didn't expect too much coming into clay season (although I was admittedly reluctantly excited when he defeated an exhausted Nadal in Madrid going into the French Open).

I was hoping for a fourth consecutive final (presumably against Nadal, of course), but that was pretty much it. When his "typical" threats got eliminated, I couldn't help but feel like this was his best chance to finally win the French Open, and after surviving some tight matches along the way, win he did!

It's time to look forward to grass season in a couple of days. I suppose it would be asking for too much to hope for #15 right away, but you know who I will be rooting for if he gets to another Grand Slam final =)

clay juju

CLAY JUJU, COME ON!!!!!!!!!!

pinoy pop culture flashback

This goes out to all my "homegrown" pinoy friends:

Do you remember watching Magmaman and Ultraman in the afternoon (or was it weekends?) on TV during your childhood?

Do you remember the X-Men and Ewoks cartoon shows on Fridays in the early to mid '90s?

Do you remember Marimar and Maria Mercedes (and the subsequent spawn of telenovelas) in the mid '90s?

Do you remember those dubbed anime shows in the late '90s? Do you remember T.G.I.F. and Gimik?

Do you remember FREAKING F4 and Meteor Garden in the early '00s? Do you remember F4 songs virtually taking all the top spots in the MYX daily countdown? Oh, and that hairstyle craze that they spawned in straight (and not-so-straight) men???

I remember thinking I was too "cool" for these trends back then. As "pop" as I am, I never really got into telenovelas, anime shows and F4/J-Pop/K-Pop.

I also remember feeling a little embarrassed for secretly feeling "kilig" when watching the loveteam movies of yore. Nowadays, that's all I rent whenever I get a chance to go back to the Philippines.

My OPM knowledge is now extremely lacking as well. The last popular OPM act I was keenly aware of was still Kitchie Nadal and MYMP.

Are there still Kapuso vs. Kapamilya network wars?

Ano na ba ang uso sa 'pinas nowadays? Ano na ang jologs?

Do people still use the word jologs? I MISS PINOY POP CULTURE!!!

on a personal note...

I sometimes find it hard to acknowledge a friend's weaknesses to myself because I feel like I'm somehow betraying my friend by allowing myself to entertain negative thoughts about him/her.

I think it stems from my "fear" that if a friend notices a weakness of mine, I might be criticized about it behind my back and that person will think less of me.

Over the past year, I think I have finally learned that nothing is wrong with acknowledging a weakness of a good friend because that doesn't mean that you think less of him/her.

In fact, that is a good sign of your friendship because you embrace that person for who he/she really is, instead of just embracing the positive traits and trying to ignore the weaknesses. It strenghtens your bond because you are still fond of them, in spite of their faults. It means you love them, flaws and all.

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It's a lot similar with my past refusal to acknowledge my "doubts", when I give someone or something the benefit of the doubt.

I used to think that entertaining those doubts means that you're already casting your judgment, when actually that is why the word 'doubt' was in the phrase in the first place. You are giving the benefit of the doubt because there was something that made you doubt what you have perceived.

I guess this was also because I wanted people to give me the benefit of the doubt in less than ideal situations. I'm still learning to finetune my BS detector because of this.

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I think these tendencies of mine are based on that golden rule. They are based on good intentions but I guess I just took it a little too far.

I'm still learning a thing or two about moderation in some aspects of how I think and there should be a balance.

Yeah, this just occurred to me today... maybe it's my little nugget of wisdom that I have acquired before I turn 25... =)

[Yes, this realization of mine might seem obvious to you, but it took me a long time to be "enlightened", hehehe]

the pursuit of happiness (a fond recollection of my last 2 1/3 years)

I remember an older friend mentioning that the mid-20s is a good time in your life. I just started working then and I was still in my early 20s, so I asked him to elaborate. (We were working in similar fields, so I assumed he knew what I was about to go through employment-wise.)

He said that at that stage, you're young enough to still have youth on your side, but old enough to have saved some money (assuming you got a job right after college and stayed employed, of course).

I'm finally understanding what he meant.

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On my first year as an employed person, I was still figuring out the work environment and the general American culture. I was still getting used to waking up every morning and going to the same place and seeing the same people for 8 hours. I was basically just internalizing what life would be like after graduation and after moving yet again to another country.

I barely travelled that year; I was still thrilled at the concept of earning a salary and knowing that everything I buy was from my own money and not an allowance from my parents or from a scholarship. I bought a car for commuting, got to know some people and familiarized myself with the area around work and where I live.

There were definitely some necessary adjustments here and there, and I was still discovering the intricacies of the "working life" (as opposed to the "student life"). I still have not made a lot of friends then, so I didn't really go out much.

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The second year was a little different -- I travelled a little bit more. I went to a couple of different states around the Christmas holidays as I have already saved some vacation days (and a little money). I was able to see some of my relatives in another state and spent the New Year with them.

As for "working life", I was starting to get the hang of it and I was learning to deal with personal and professional "break-ups". As with all things relating to friendships and relationships, I took them really hard. I remember a friend telling me that the next "break-ups" in my life will be just as hard, but that I will be more skilled in dealing with it because of that experience.

Socially, I was able to get to know some of my co-workers more. I grew closer to some of them. Some of them love to snowboard. After promising a couple of them that I would go on at least three snowboard trips before I make up my mind about it, I was hooked! I also discovered how much I love Japanese food and how much I liked trying out new restaurants. I rediscovered my love for the awesome combo of heavily buttered popcorn and summer blockbuster movies.

At the end of my second year (well, it was technically the start of my third year), I finally flew back to the Philippines to spend Christmas with the rest of my family. It was VERY expensive, but it was worth it. I think I'm pretty good at saving some money, so flying home was a good reward of sorts. I was also able to see some of my high school and college friends!!! I also attended a wedding of a co-worker who has become a very good friend. I had a really good time, even if my vacation lasted for only about two weeks =)

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I'm now on the third year of my working life. Needless to say, I feel very fortunate to have a job, especially when the economy is not doing so well. I am also glad that I have saved enough vacation days to go on a couple of short trips.

I went to L.A. with a couple of "tennis buddies" (even if I don't really play tennis, hehehe) and got to see some tennis stars and my biggest celebrity crush! (He has not been doing as well lately, which makes me sad, but that's another story.) I was also able to catch up with some friends and classmates from grade school! We had REALLY good ramen and I was able to snowboard in South CA too! I was also able to meet up with my cousin, who showed me around the area.

A couple of weeks ago, I also went on another snowboard trip to Mammoth Mountain! It was SO MUCH FUN! My legs gave out later that day, but I kept snowboarding even when I kept falling like a rag doll since I couldn't really bend my legs anymore. I was with good company, so that just made the trip more memorable. I also learned a new Japanese card game, hehehe...

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I'm not saying everything is great all the time. For instance, a couple of months ago, I got pulled over by a cop for a "California stop" on a stop sign. I was having a really bad day that time so I actually teared up while I was talking to him. I completed my traffic ticket requirements though, so that's over and done with. =)

I had my wisdom teeth removed too. I was really dreading it, but it wasn't so bad. I was prescribed some Vicodin for the pain, so it was interesting to be able to somehow relate to Dr. House, hehehe...

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I was thinking of taking some classes this year, but it seems like my schedule right now is not permitting it. I might be just lazy, but I'll think about it again one of these days. I finally tried taking some yoga classes and I tried wall-climbing for the first time a couple of days ago. I really liked it, so I hope I get to do it again.

I'm thinking of visiting a couple of my college friends in the East Coast in a few months. It would be nice to see them again after 2 years! I will probably start making plans later next month, just to check which days are most convenient for everyone involved so that we can coordinate our schedules somehow.

Materialistically (is that a word?) speaking, I'm still debating whether I should get a new laptop and a new digicam. I haven't been saving as much as I wanted to (mainly due to the wisdom teeth extraction and the trips I just took recently), so maybe I'll put that on hold for now.

I can't complain much about my job either. First of all, I'm employed, which counts for a lot. Second, I get along well with my co-workers. Third, I've been lucky enough to feel challenged with my tasks from time to time.

As for my social life, well, most of my friends are still my co-workers. I hope I get to meet some new friends while I check out a couple of activities, but let's cross the bridge when we get there.

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So yeah, those were last 2 1/3 years of my life in a nutshell... I was originally planning to just post some updates on my L.A. and Mammoth Mountain trip, but I realized how thankful I am about how my life is going right now, so might as well write about those things. Count your blessings, ikanga.

My New Year's resolution for 2009 was to STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR MYSELF, so I've been trying to tell myself that if I want to try something, JUST DO IT and stop overthinking. This is the perfect time to do that because I think I still have time on my side and I have been working long enough to have saved some money and be able to afford the things that I want to do (and buy). I'm still trying to save more money of course, so I'm still trying to be reasonable about my spending habits. I have to admit, it's really nice to be experiencing the things that I've been saving my money for (i.e. snowboarding, travelling, eating good food, seeing Roger Federer in the flesh, etc.).

I'm still 24 and will be turning 25 in a few months. I guess my friend was right, the mid-20s *is* a pretty good stage in your life.

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We usually dwell on the negative side of things, so I thought I should write about something that focuses on the positive.

So yeah, the pursuit of happiness... it's still ongoing, but it's good to know that it looks like I'm on the right track =)

filler post

this is rumored to be kelly clarkson's second single off her new album... it's catchy, but i like the song mainly because i can relate to the content =)

(i can't cook too, although i want to learn how to do that... eventually, hehehe)

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I Do Not Hook Up
by Kelly Clarkson

Oh, sweetheart put the bottle down
You've got too much talent
I see you through those bloodshot eyes
There's a cure you've found it
Slow motion, sparks, you caught that chill
Now don't deny it
But boys will be boys, oh yes, they will
They don't want to define it
Just give up the game and get into me
If you're looking for thrills then get cold feet

Oh, no
I do not hook up, up
I go slow
So if you want me, I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand
And your heart on your sleeve

Oh, no
I do not hook up, up
I fall deep
Cause the more that you try
The harder I'll fight to say goodnight

I can't cook, no, but I can clean
Up the mess she left
Lay your head down and feel the beat
As I kiss your forehead
This may not last but this is now
So love the one you're with
You wanna chase but you're chasing your tail
A quick fix won't ever get you well

Cause I feel the distance between us
Could be over with a snap of your fingers

Oh, sweetheart put the bottle down
Cause you don’t wanna miss out

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updates: i'm going to Southern California next week! i'll be seeing some friends and my cousin! we'll be watching the indian wells tournament too! i hope i get to see HIM, hahaha =P

i'm also done with my taxes and took care of the traffic ticket... naks, productive! =D

so little time... so much to do...

i feel like the past few weeks have been busy, but it seems like i didn't accomplish much of anything at the same time...

i've been out snowboarding and catching up with friends (and eating good food!) and looking for evening classes that i want to take...

i've had a couple of dental appointments (almost missed one earlier today) and i'm gonna have my wisdom teeth removed next week, so i guess that counts for something...

i FINALLY got my board waxed too (i'm supposed to pick it up this weekend), so i hope that makes a difference when we go on a snow trip again...

BUT... at the same time, i have yet to file my taxes (must do this weekend!) and i have a TON of new music to listen to and DVDs to watch and return...

i also got pulled over by a cop in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago for not stopping completely at a stop sign, so i have to take care of that eventually as well... (nowadays, everytime i see a car behind me when i park my car in front of the house, i freak out a little bit...*sigh*)

i have to organize my files in my laptop too... and decide whether i have to buy a new laptop and a new camera as well (it's almost time to "upgrade", but i don't know if it's a good idea to buy new gadgets during a recession.....)

i've been looking into trying wall climbing and yoga too... maybe just a session or two, to see how much i will like it...

GOSH, SO LITTLE TIME, SO MUCH TO DO!

on the bright side, we got to watch Pete Sampras on a tennis exhibition earlier this week... PETE SAMPRAS! man, his killer instincts are still intact, his serving still spectacular (aces galore!) and he knew how to ham it up for the crowd too... that was so great to see!

...and i finally updated my blog!!!

this is better than not having anything to do and end up getting bored... but man, i wish i can get all this stuff done, but also get some time to breathe and relax!

oh well, wish me luck! =)